Jokes

@earl-of-trumps said
Alfred: I don't get it. Everyone's scoring on the beach but me! What's wrong!?
Thomas: Al, ditch those baggy cargo pants, get yourself a speedo, and put a potato in the speedo.
Alfred: Thanks, I'll try it.

[next day]
Alfred: Thomas, what gives? Everyone laughed at me and turned away in disgust!
Thomas: [sigh] The potato goes in the *front*, Alfred, in the front!

@suzianne said
This is why people refer to America as a "melting pot".

We have 200 (picking a number out of the air) cultures, and each one is part of America's culture.

@ponderable said
And the joke was?

The teachers asks: "Why does the blood flow into my head when i am upside down, but not in my feet when I stand upright?"
"Because your feet are not hollow."

(OK. sceintifically correct, the fluid does flow to the feet when standing upright, and people sufrfreing from varisose veins know that, but is it funny?)

@gambrel said
Two Englishmen struck up a conversation with an American in the club
car of a train headed east out of Chicago.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

I heard a bloke today playing Dancing Queen on his didgeridoo.
I thought, 'that's Abba-riginal.'

First day veterinarian to patient: Now what seems to be the problem?
Kitten: Meow!
Vet: I know, but where?

If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs.

Why did Will Smith use an open hand?
... everyone knows paper beats Rock

@orangutan said
Why did Will Smith use an open hand?
... everyone knows paper beats Rock

When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident I asked my doctor if I'd ever be able to write with that hand. The doctor said, " Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it."

@orangutan said
Why did Will Smith use an open hand?
... everyone knows paper beats Rock

Q: How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
A: Look for Fresh Prints!

A hotel guest in Manilla comes down to reception to make a few requests about the room he has just checked in to.

"The minibar is empty. I'd like it stocked."

"Very good, sir."

"I need help adjusting the air conditioning".

"Of course. We'll send our handyman up."

"Could I arrange it so that no calls are put through to the phone in the room?"

"Right you are."

"And I'd like the porn disabled."

"All our porn is just regular porn, you creep!"

@FMF
This one (and I know you claim subtle differences nobody finds funny than you) was posted several times...

RIP, boiled water.
You will be mist.