Jokes

I asked the librarian if the library hàd any books about paranoia.
She whispered: "They're right behind you..."

@gambrel said
I asked the librarian if the library hàd any books about paranoia.
She whispered: "They're right behind you..."

Was surprised to see a small baguette in a cage at my local zoo.

Apparently, it was bread in captivity.

If you panic every time you see a jolly fat man in a red suit going 'Ho Ho Ho', you may be santaclaustrophobic.

@shallow-blue said
If you panic every time you see a jolly fat man in a red suit going 'Ho Ho Ho', you may be santaclaustrophobic.

A hotel guest in Denpasar comes down to reception to make a few requests about the room he has just checked in to. "The minibar is empty. I'd like it stocked," he says. "Very good, sir." The guest continued: "I need help adjusting the air conditioning". The receptionist was very polite: "Of course. We'll send our handyman up." The guest had two more things on his mind: "Could you arrange it so that no calls are put through to the phone in the room?" "Right you are." And last of all, the guest said intoned: "And I'd like the porn channel blocked." The receptionist stared at him and eventually said: "Are you sure that's what you meant to say to me?" I slapped my forehead: "God, I got it wrong, didn't I?"

@fmf said
A hotel guest in Denpasar comes down to reception to make a few requests about the room he has just checked in to. "The minibar is empty. I'd like it stocked," he says. "Very good, sir." The guest continued: "I need help adjusting the air conditioning". The receptionist was very polite: "Of course. We'll send our handyman up." The guest had two more things on his mind: "Could you ...[text shortened]... ou sure that's what you meant to say to me?" I slapped my forehead: "God, I got it wrong, didn't I?"

What do you call a person who wakes up happy on Monday Morning?























Wait for it




RETIRED!!! 🙂

-VR

@very-rusty said
What do you call a person who wakes up happy on Monday Morning?























Wait for it




RETIRED!!! 🙂

-VR

I bought a thesaurus on Amazon, but when it arrived I found it started at the letter B. I have no words to express my anger.

A baby seal walks into a club

The saddest thing about one-armed fishermen is that they can never properly brag about the size of the fish they caught.

Both my parents worked as clowns at the local circus. When they got divorced, there was a terrible custardy battle.

Al: So, how long ya had a weak back?

Tim: Oh, about a week back

Chuck Norris knows what the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is.