Jokes

Why didn’t the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer.

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Not U2 again."

@Gambrel
NYUK NYUK🙂

My cat accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

Her next trip to the tray could spell disaster.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
My cat accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

Her next trip to the tray could spell disaster.

her - let's get a rhododendron
me - no dinosaurs
her - it's not a dinosaur
me - what is it then?
her - it's hard to describe, i need a thesaurus
me - i said no dinosaurs

Ken and Deb, first date together, at the Museum of Fine Arts.

Deb: Oh, look, Ken. An African phallic symbol.
Ken: Hmmm... 🤔 It just looks like a pr!ck to me

@Earl-of-Trumps
A mathematician named Charlie is writing a new book on geometry, He is calling it
Charlie's Angles.

Little known fact: Before the crowbar was invented,

crows simply drank at home.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
Little known fact: Before the crowbar was invented,

crows simply drank at home.

It's been a strange day. First I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.

@Gambrel
You must know what they call a guitar player without a girlfriend?


Homeless......

Definition: Indecent

Indecent: If it's hard enough, long enough, and in far enough,, it's indecent

A pair of jumper cables goes into a bar.
The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Alfred: I don't get it. Everyone's scoring on the beach but me! What's wrong!?
Thomas: Al, ditch those baggy cargo pants, get yourself a speedo, and put a potato in the speedo.
Alfred: Thanks, I'll try it.

[next day]
Alfred: Thomas, what gives? Everyone laughed at me and turned away in disgust!
Thomas: [sigh] The potato goes in the *front*, Alfred, in the front!