Jokes

always give 100% in everything that you do

unless yer donating blood

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?


You're better off in the dark

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.

Should have cooked it on Aloha temperature.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.

Should have cooked it on Aloha temperature.

What’s the difference between a stoat and a weasel ?
A weasel’s weasily recognised and a stoat’s stotally different.

@drewnogal

A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender exclaims, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before! What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

@Ponderable
Three important inventions in ancient times:

200,000 years ago, the invention of language.

199,999.999 years ago, the invention of the honeydo list

199,999.998 years ago, the invention of the doghouse.

@sonhouse
What’s the difference between a relationship and a video game?


They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder. If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.

i ordered ice cream from amazon

@rookie54 said
i ordered ice cream from amazon

@great-big-stees said
Was it “Forest Green”?🤔

@rookie54 said
always give 100% in everything that you do

unless yer donating blood

i stubbed my pinkie on the coffee table leg
the tears they were for real
then as usual she outclassed my ass
and claimed to have a lego embedded in her heel

My friend Tony implored me not to say his name backward.

I said, "Y not?"

@Ghost-of-a-Duke
Snicker🙂