1. Subscribermoonbus
    Über-Nerd
    Joined
    31 May '12
    Moves
    5934
    20 Jul '21 15:10
    @the-gravedigger said
    I'll have the chicken karma
    I got a load of bull.
  2. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
    09 Mar '08
    Moves
    175139
    20 Jul '21 15:46
    a number 2 pencil is NOT a suppository?
  3. e4
    Joined
    06 May '08
    Moves
    38805
    20 Jul '21 22:19
    When my wife is asleep I put chess pieces on her forehead.
    When she wakes up you should see the Rook on her face.

    I once worked in a factory that made chess pieces.
    I always worked late...I was on the Knight shift.
  4. Arch Stantons Grave
    Joined
    04 Feb '11
    Moves
    34232
    20 Jul '21 22:37
    @greenpawn34 said
    When my wife is asleep I put chess pieces on her forehead.
    When she wakes up you should see the Rook on her face.

    I once worked in a factory that made chess pieces.
    I always worked late...I was on the Knight shift.
    Hi GP.
    You know I was positive we had played before.
    I played the Kings Gambit and you played the Falkbeer counter gambit.
    I made an over ambitious bishop sacrifice and you ground me down in an end game.
    Except none of that ever happened because when I checked your profile we have never played before.
    How very peculiar.
  5. e4
    Joined
    06 May '08
    Moves
    38805
    22 Jul '21 19:26
    @The-Gravedigger

    Not me - I do not grind away in endgames. If it is an easy win then I play on,
    Anything else then I'll offer a draw. I do not do endgames, if I am in a level
    ending then I have misplayed the middle game and do not deserve to win.
  6. Arch Stantons Grave
    Joined
    04 Feb '11
    Moves
    34232
    22 Jul '21 19:41
    @greenpawn34 said
    @The-Gravedigger

    Not me - I do not grind away in endgames. If it is an easy win then I play on,
    Anything else then I'll offer a draw. I do not do endgames, if I am in a level
    ending then I have misplayed the middle game and do not deserve to win.
    Must admit I hate end games OTB and always offer a draw unless I have an overwhelming advantage.
  7. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Never Vapid
    London
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    24621
    22 Jul '21 20:191 edit
    The CEO of Ikea was elected president of Sweden.

    It's taken him over a week to assemble his cabinet.
  8. Arch Stantons Grave
    Joined
    04 Feb '11
    Moves
    34232
    22 Jul '21 20:35
    @ghost-of-a-duke said
    The CEO of Ikea was elected president of Sweden.

    It's taken him over a week to assemble his cabinet.
    LOL
    When his deputy arrived he said 'welcome, come in and make a seat.'
  9. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Never Vapid
    London
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    24621
    26 Jul '21 16:21
    I was once kidnapped by mime artists.

    They did unspeakable things...
  10. SubscriberSuzianne
    Misfit Queen
    Isle of Misfit Toys
    Joined
    08 Aug '03
    Moves
    36403
    27 Jul '21 10:261 edit
    @greenpawn34 said
    @The-Gravedigger

    Not me - I do not grind away in endgames. If it is an easy win then I play on,
    Anything else then I'll offer a draw. I do not do endgames, if I am in a level
    ending then I have misplayed the middle game and do not deserve to win.
    There are basketball teams who can play three quarters well, and stay ahead of their opponents the whole game, and yet have difficulty with "bringing the win home", and they can't seem to close out the win in the final moments. In chess, victory in the endgame is "bringing the win home", and if one doesn't have the endurance to win in the all-important engame, are they really an effective chessplayer? This is why most systems teach the endgame first, because if you cannot win the endgame, you cannot win at all except through questionable methods, such as traps and swindles.

    Yeah, I know, not very funny. Sorry to put this here in the Jokes thread, but I felt a need to respond.
  11. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
    22 Apr '05
    Moves
    591447
    27 Jul '21 10:50
    @Suzianne

    The trick is to append some joke.

    Obligatory joke: Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.
  12. SubscriberKevin Eleven
    The Editor
    in the garden
    Joined
    06 May '15
    Moves
    19226
    30 Jul '21 18:43
    @greenpawn34 said
    @The-Gravedigger

    Not me - I do not grind away in endgames. If it is an easy win then I play on,
    Anything else then I'll offer a draw. I do not do endgames, if I am in a level
    ending then I have misplayed the middle game and do not deserve to win.
    Presented as a joke but I agree with this idea. Endgames can be especially tedious to play out in correspondence-style chess.
  13. SubscriberKevin Eleven
    The Editor
    in the garden
    Joined
    06 May '15
    Moves
    19226
    30 Jul '21 18:45
    @suzianne said
    There are basketball teams who can play three quarters well, and stay ahead of their opponents the whole game, and yet have difficulty with "bringing the win home", and they can't seem to close out the win in the final moments. In chess, victory in the endgame is "bringing the win home", and if one doesn't have the endurance to win in the all-important engame, are they real ...[text shortened]... , I know, not very funny. Sorry to put this here in the Jokes thread, but I felt a need to respond.
    I did appreciate and agree with your post. Maybe you could have tried to pass it off as some "dry as the desert" humor? 😉
  14. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Never Vapid
    London
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    24621
    30 Jul '21 19:17

    Removed by poster

  15. SubscriberKevin Eleven
    The Editor
    in the garden
    Joined
    06 May '15
    Moves
    19226
    30 Jul '21 19:351 edit
    @ghost-of-a-duke removed their quoted post
    If your wife can't tell thyme from cumin just by looking at it or smelling it, then maybe you both need to outsource the cooking.
Back to Top

Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.I Agree