1. Standard memberpawnpaw
    Please Pay Attention
    Lethabong
    Joined
    02 Apr '10
    Moves
    74213
    20 Aug '21 07:46
    Bartender to regular client: Howzit going, bro?
    Bro: Great! Just had my first shot, waiting to get my second shot!
    Bartender: Pfizer or Moderna?
    Bro: Tequila!
  2. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Never Vapid
    London
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    24482
    21 Aug '21 08:20
    On Facebook, don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.

    They're nacho friend.
  3. Standard memberbadradger
    Dive Destroyer
    the shadows
    Joined
    09 Sep '18
    Moves
    17302
    22 Aug '21 14:15
    THE WIFE HAS JUST FOUND OUT THAT I SWAPPED THE BED FOR ATRAMOLINE

    SHE HIT THE ROOF
  4. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
    09 Mar '08
    Moves
    173970
    23 Aug '21 15:13
    i was visiting the mental ward of a reputable hospital
    i asked the warden how she determined whether or not a patient needed to be admitted or patted on the head and sent packing
    warden: "we use the bathtub test"
    me: "how does that work?"
    warden: "we show the potential inmate a full tub of water, and offer them a teaspoon, a cup, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the tub"
    me: "AHA! you can tell right away if someone chooses the bucket they aren't nutty, right?"
    warden: "no, the normal ones simply pull the plug"

    "would you like a window bed or the one by the door?"
  5. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Never Vapid
    London
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    24482
    05 Sep '21 20:06
    I seriously regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but hey, that’s just the power of Heinz sight.
  6. SubscriberVery Rusty
    Treat Everyone Equal
    Halifax, Nova Scotia
    Joined
    04 Oct '06
    Moves
    511143
    05 Sep '21 20:27
    @ghost-of-a-duke said
    I seriously regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but hey, that’s just the power of Heinz sight.
    Big Groan!

    -VR
  7. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
    22 Apr '05
    Moves
    589564
    06 Sep '21 15:44
    @ghost-of-a-duke said
    I seriously regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but hey, that’s just the power of Heinz sight.
    Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?

    Because they can’t ketchup.
  8. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
    09 Mar '08
    Moves
    173970
    06 Sep '21 17:52
    the word phonetically is not spelled phonetically
  9. SubscriberPonderable
    chemist
    Linkenheim
    Joined
    22 Apr '05
    Moves
    589564
    15 Sep '21 06:29
    @rookie54 said
    the word phonetically is not spelled phonetically
    What do chefs and journalists have in common?

    They don't reveal their [sourcses/sauces] {phoentic joke}.
  10. hirsute rooster
    Joined
    13 Apr '05
    Moves
    18453
    17 Sep '21 23:06
    You know the punchline already!
  11. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Never Vapid
    London
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    24482
    18 Sep '21 12:25
    My favourite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

    I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
  12. hirsute rooster
    Joined
    13 Apr '05
    Moves
    18453
    18 Sep '21 21:23
    @orangutan said
    You know the punchline already!
    Why are time travelling jokes so bad?
  13. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
    09 Mar '08
    Moves
    173970
    19 Sep '21 14:37
    @orangutan said
    Why are time travelling jokes so bad?
    excellently well played
  14. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
    09 Mar '08
    Moves
    173970
    19 Sep '21 14:39
    i had to find out about the hoopla
    so i made avocado toast
    it sucked and i gave it to my dog
    now he wants glacier water in a dang hydroflask and for me to install led lighting in his dang ole doghouse
  15. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
    09 Mar '08
    Moves
    173970
    20 Sep '21 15:30
    the things that fall from the taco
    are the things i most want to eat
    so i stuff that taco entirely in my mouth
    and folks, this ain't an easy feat
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