Jokes

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asks:
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

I attended a magic show in Mexico City.
The Magician said "Uno, dos" then vanished without a tres.

I got mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.

I went to the petshop to buy twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen bees. I said, sir, you've given me one extra. Yes, he said, its a freebie.

what was the bee's favourite novel?

The great Gats-bee

Q: What does a Scots drag queen wear?

A: Trowse.

@fmf said
I went to the petshop to buy twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen bees. I said, sir, you've given me one extra. Yes, he said, its a freebie.

A honey-maker's dozen?

I went for a run this morning, but I had to go back because I’d forgotten a couple of things….
I’m fat and I can’t run.

A boy helps an elderly nun to cross the street.

When she thanks him he says: "Batman's fgreinds are my friends!"

I accidentally took my cats meds this morning...

Don't ask meow.

What does a choir of cats like to sing?

Do - Re - Mew.

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

In England it's called a lift. In the US it's called an elevator.
I guess we're raised differently.

Me: Vowels scare me, I'm terrified by them.
Thereapist: Why?
Me: Sometimes

@gambrel said
I attended a magic show in Mexico City.
The Magician said "Uno, dos" then vanished without a tres.

Two cats had a swimming race. An English cat called One Two Three and a French cat called Un Deux Trois. The English cat won.
Un Deux Trois cat sank.