Jokes

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's a coincidence.

I tried snorting coke once.

Never again - the bubbles hurt and I got an ice cube stuck up my nose.

Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, has obviously never had to reboot a computer.
~ William Petersen

I think women who say size doesn’t matter...are shallow.😲

@gambrel said
Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, has obviously never had to reboot a computer.
~ William Petersen

Or raised a child.

@moonbus said
Or raised a child.

Or had a cat... 🙂

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

How do you make a blueberry?
Answer: by strangling a pea.

every year the population of the capital of Ireland increases exponentially,


in fact its Dublin

What is the opposite of a croissant.

A happy uncle.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To knock knock on a door, walk into a bar, and change a lightbulb.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
What is the opposite of a croissant.

A happy uncle.

A croissant (French pronunciation: [kʁwasɑ̃] (listen)) is a buttery, flaky, Austrian viennoiserie pastry inspired by the shape of the Austrian kipferl but using the French yeast-leavened laminated dough.[1][better source needed] Croissants are named for their historical
~VR

@the-gravedigger said
A croissant (French pronunciation: [kʁwasɑ̃] (listen)) is a buttery, flaky, Austrian viennoiserie pastry inspired by the shape of the Austrian kipferl but using the French yeast-leavened laminated dough.[1][better source needed] Croissants are named for their historical
~VR

cross aunt... play of words, might be not very funny, but is an attempt of a joke.

mandatory joke:
I asked my aunt, “How much is a couple?”

“2 or 3,” she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

@ponderable said
cross aunt... play of words, might be not very funny, but is an attempt of a joke.

mandatory joke:
I asked my aunt, “How much is a couple?”

“2 or 3,” she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

I thought the play on words quite clever but replied in the way VR does. The very bad copy and pasting was also part of the 'joke'

@the-gravedigger said
I thought the play on words quite clever but replied in the way VR does. The very bad copy and pasting was also part of the 'joke'

Ho hum, you're jokesplaining.