Jokes

@whodey said
Bigot!

If I were dyslexic sir I might be offended at you telling me I had big toes.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

-VR

@very-rusty said
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 ...[text shortened]... raight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

-VR

You try hiring an engineer fresh out of MIT for less than that.

Seems a bargain to me.

Has anybody enjoyed an eskimo salad yet...
a bowl of ice cubes...

An old one from just after the German reunification. Trabant is a car which was widely used in the GDR, but fell fast from grace after western cars were available.

Comes a man in the Garage and say: "A rear mirror for my Trabant."
says the serviceperson: "Seems like a fair deal."

@ponderable said
An old one from just after the German reunification. Trabant is a car which was widely used in the GDR, but fell fast from grace after western cars were available.

Comes a man in the Garage and say: "A rear mirror for my Trabant."
says the serviceperson: "Seems like a fair deal."

The same joke was told in the Netherlands about a DAF.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

-VR

I just hit a guy in a wheelchair down in the supermarket parking lot.
He parked in a normal parking bay.
Rules are rules, mate.

How many rhp posters would it take to screw in a light bulb?

3...... goad to hold the light bulb, wolfy and rookie to spin him around untill the light was in the socket!

-VR

Everyone needs to stop smoking!

Why every time you smoke God takes a day away from your life and gives it to Keith Richards!

I smiled and said hello to a feminist today.





My trial starts Monday.

@whodey said
I smiled and said hello to a feminist today.





My trial starts Monday.

I gave my niece a hug when she passed her exams in 1979.
My trial starts Tuesday.

The Snow(man)

8:00 am - I made a snowman with my kids
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
8:40 - The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I Jokingly I touch the snowman below while saying, "Just see if they have any little snow balls".

Now I've been registered as a sex offender and have to wear a tracking device everywhere I go and I lost my NBA team

@whodey

Classic...

@whodey said
The Snow(man)

8:00 am - I made a snowman with my kids
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have bee ...[text shortened]... gistered as a sex offender and have to wear a tracking device everywhere I go and I lost my NBA team

13:45 - The sun came out and melted the snow 'beings'; now you're indicted for allowing evidence in a criminal case to be destroyed.