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r
Suzzie says Badger

is Racist Bastard

Joined
09 Jun 14
Moves
10079
28 Jul 14
1 edit

Originally posted by Great Big Stees
A chameleon's tongue
close its a stick/whats grey and comes in pints?

Misfit Queen

Isle of Misfit Toys

Joined
08 Aug 03
Moves
36853
28 Jul 14

Originally posted by redbadger
close its a stick/whats grey and comes in pints?
Oh, man, you must be desperate to raise your killed threads count.

r
Suzzie says Badger

is Racist Bastard

Joined
09 Jun 14
Moves
10079
28 Jul 14

Originally posted by Suzianne
Oh, man, you must be desperate to raise your killed threads count.
elephants

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53271
28 Jul 14

So Preston goes to his doctor, says, 'I've played classical violin for the LA symphony for 20 years now but I want to learn to play Irish music, got a slot in a touring band ready to go but I am having difficulty going from classical to Irish, can't seem to get it right."
The doc says, well it turns out we have found the musical nodule on the brain that controls musical ability. We worked out a system where we snip a small portion of that bud and you unlearn all that 20 years of classical training.

GREAT he says, lets do it.

So the doc and patient are on the operating table, patient sedated, the doc has his scalpel out to make that small cut when a big richter scale 7 earthquake hits and the doc slips and makes a much bigger cut than he wanted.

So two weeks later Preston comes out of the coma and the doc comes up and says, "Son, I don't think you are going to be able to play Irish music now, and explains what happens.

Preston says, SHEEIT doc, that's ok, I wanna play some BLUEGRASS!

Misfit Queen

Isle of Misfit Toys

Joined
08 Aug 03
Moves
36853
28 Jul 14
1 edit

Originally posted by sonhouse
So Preston goes to his doctor, says, 'I've played classical violin for the LA symphony for 20 years now but I want to learn to play Irish music, got a slot in a touring band ready to go but I am having difficulty going from classical to Irish, can't seem to get it right."
The doc says, well it turns out we have found the musical nodule on the brain that co ...[text shortened]... and explains what happens.

Preston says, SHEEIT doc, that's ok, I wanna play some BLUEGRASS!
At the risk of being accused that I don't get the joke, you do know that there is now the Modified Mercalli Intensity scale, which has superseded the Richter scale, right?

This link explains about the MMI scale.

http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/watkins/quakemag.htm

or

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modified_Mercalli_intensity_scale

Knowing you to be a man of science, I thought you might be interested.

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53271
29 Jul 14

Originally posted by Suzianne
At the risk of being accused that I don't get the joke, you do know that there is now the Modified Mercalli Intensity scale, which has superseded the Richter scale, right?

This link explains about the MMI scale.

http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/watkins/quakemag.htm

or

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modified_Mercalli_intensity_scale

Knowing you to be a man of science, I thought you might be interested.
Yeah, thanks for that. I used the richter scale because everyone knows it. The joke is a dig at the cultural level of bluegrass music, presumably Irish is higher on the musical scale than bluegrass. It works great at an Irish festival­čÖé

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
22 Sep 14

Originally posted by C Hess
Jim's father was displeased with his son's grades, and thought it be a good idea to light the
fire of competitive motivation: "Son, why can't you be more like your friend Jack? He's
always been a good student, right?", to which Jim quickly replied: "But that's not fair. Jack's
dad is smart."
There is an analogous one:

Dad: "In your age George Washington was first in his class!"
Son: "and in yours he was president of the USA!"

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
14 Oct 14

Originally posted by BigDoggProblem
A chess player boards an international flight. After everyone is seated, he recognizes the passenger next to him. "Hey - aren't you - Gary Kasparov?", he asks. Gary smiles and basks in the recognition a bit. They get to talking about chess stuff. After the in-flight meal, Gary produces a little travel chess set and asks, "How about a game?"

The chess player replies, "Oh, no, you're far too good for me. You'll blow me off the board!" Kasparov contemplates this a bit, then says "How about if I play left-handed? Would that be fair?" "You're on!", the chess player replies.

Sure enough, Gary demolishes the chess player in 8 moves. CP is inconsolable. After he lands, he meets his friend in the airport. "How was your flight?" the friend asks. "Oh, it was horrible. I got destroyed in a game of chess by Gary Kasparov, even though he played the game with the left hand!"

The friend breaks out in laughter and exclaims, "Dude! You got swindled! Kasparov IS left-handed!"


from Chess forum

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
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143878
14 Oct 14

My brother bought a darts board and fixed it to his ceiling . His wife wasn't to happy, in fact it made her throw up !

├ťber-Nerd

Joined
31 May 12
Moves
8469
14 Oct 14

Only amateurs rob a bank; real pros found one.

G

santa cruz, ca.

Joined
19 Jul 13
Moves
376505
14 Oct 14

what do you call a midget with a 40 pound ball?
half nut

Delicious Monster...

Joined
17 Sep 10
Moves
72857
15 Oct 14

The doctor asks the elderly couple, " do you still take part in sports?"
"Hell no, our parents won't allow it."
"Your parents??"
"yes, Mother Nature and Father Time..."

w

Joined
02 Jan 06
Moves
12857
16 Oct 14

Well it's official. The plane that brought the Ebolo victim to the US has been named the "Ebola Gay".

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
17 Oct 14

Originally posted by whodey
Well it's official. The plane that brought the Ebolo victim to the US has been named the "Ebola Gay".
I got a job as a plastic surgeon ...That raised a few eyebrows.

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
17 Oct 14

Originally posted by phil3000
I got a job as a plastic surgeon ...That raised a few eyebrows.
I did have a job as a pantomime horse ...I quit while I was a head !