Jokes

Jokes

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p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
17 Oct 14

Originally posted by phil3000
I did have a job as a pantomime horse ...I quit while I was a head !
I went to a Chinese restaurant the other night , I said "excuse me waiter , what's this fly doing in my soup ? ..he replied "the backstroke I think sir "
Later that night I called the waiter over, he came to my table and said " sorry sir my name is Li ".. I said Li ,this chicken is rubbery .Li replied "thank you sir I will pass your complement to the chef ...

e4

Joined
06 May 08
Moves
42492
20 Oct 14
1 edit

A bloke goes into a library and says:

"Where have all the chess books gone?"

The librarian replied:

"They have moved."

---------------

"They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian - they are not laughing now."

Bob Monkhouse.

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
177933
21 Oct 14

Originally posted by greenpawn34
A bloke goes into a library and says:

"Where have all the chess books gone?"

The librarian replied:

"They have moved."

---------------

"They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian - they are not laughing now."

Bob Monkhouse.
You hear the one about the hooker who had appendicitis? The sewed up the wrong hole. Now she makes money on the side.
I know, I know. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
24 Oct 14

Originally posted by Great Big Stees
You hear the one about the hooker who had appendicitis? The sewed up the wrong hole. Now she makes money on the side.
I know, I know. ๐Ÿ˜ณ
This bloke went to the doctors .."Dr, Dr I have something wrong with my backside " .."drop your pants and lets have a look , ah said the Dr I can see the problem you have a bit of lettuce stuck up your bum ".
"O replied the man , just a piece of lettuce shouldn't be a problem then doc ? " .." Well said the Dr , normally it wouldn't be a problem but I am afraid it is just the tip of the iceberg.

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
657814
02 Dec 14

Originally posted by phil3000
I went to a Chinese restaurant the other night , I said "excuse me waiter , what's this fly doing in my soup ? ..he replied "the backstroke I think sir "
Later that night I called the waiter over, he came to my table and said " sorry sir my name is Li ".. I said Li ,this chicken is rubbery .Li replied "thank you sir I will pass your complement to the chef ...
A guest complains to the waiter: "there is a fly in my soup!"
he gets the reply: "Not so loud, maybe all the others want one too."

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
177933
02 Dec 14

Originally posted by Ponderable
A guest complains to the waiter: "there is a fly in my soup!"
he gets the reply: "Not so loud, maybe all the others want one too."
Something similar.

A guest complains to the waiter: "What's that fly doing in my soup!"
Waiter: "Looks like the backstroke."

r
Suzzie says Badger

is Racist Bastard

Joined
09 Jun 14
Moves
10079
02 Dec 14

Originally posted by Great Big Stees
Something similar.

A guest complains to the waiter: "What's that fly doing in my soup!"
Waiter: "Looks like the backstroke."
Drowning๐Ÿ˜ต

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
657814
15 Dec 14

how do you get 64 men in a sports car?

Put in a chess board

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53229
15 Dec 14

How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you nuts? Only PA's change light bulbs....

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53229
15 Dec 14

Do you know what you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?



Homeless.....

C
It is what it is

Pretoria

Joined
20 Apr 04
Moves
67464
15 Dec 14

The urge to sing: "The lion sleeps tonight" is never more than a whim away.

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
657814
19 Dec 14

An old political one:

how will the GDR look like in 2014?

It won't be there it will have turned 65 and made into the west ๐Ÿ˜‰

(This joke refers to teh fact that people older than 65 were allowed to emigrate into the FRG. In fact now we do have 2014 and the GDR has ceased to exist. Never underestimate the power of a political joke)

C
It is what it is

Pretoria

Joined
20 Apr 04
Moves
67464
19 Dec 14

Originally posted by Ponderable
An old political one:

how will the GDR look like in 2014?

It won't be there it will have turned 65 and made into the west ๐Ÿ˜‰

(This joke refers to teh fact that people older than 65 were allowed to emigrate into the FRG. In fact now we do have 2014 and the GDR has ceased to exist. Never underestimate the power of a political joke)
Thanks for reminding me of this one, P.

Humour (and laughing at themselves) kept the German spirit alive in the GDR.

free tazer tickles..

wildly content...

Joined
09 Mar 08
Moves
201444
20 Dec 14

santa claus, the easter rabbit, and a very intelligent blonde lady are walking down the street together...
at the same time, they all see a $100 bill lying on the sidewalk...

who gets to the money first???

none of them...
there is no such thing as santa claus, the easter rabbit, or a smart blonde...

Jack Torrance

Overlook Hotel

Joined
04 Feb 11
Moves
47153
20 Dec 14

A car battery walks into a bar.

The bar tender says don't start anything.