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p
Please Pay Attention

Lethabong

Joined
02 Apr 10
Moves
97661
15 May 14

Originally posted by pawnpaw
Notice in coffee shop: No, we don't have wi-fi ! Talk to each other!
Notice in coffee shop: No senior citizen discounts!
You have had twice as long to get the money!

p
Please Pay Attention

Lethabong

Joined
02 Apr 10
Moves
97661
15 May 14

Originally posted by pawnpaw
Notice in coffee shop: No senior citizen discounts!
You have had twice as long to get the money!
PUSH! If that doesn't work,
PULL! If that doesn't work,
we must be closed...

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
17 May 14

Woman says to her husband .." Bill, I want £4000 for a boob job . I want them to look bigger and fatter "
Bill replied " Look love , just get some toilet paper and rub it up and down your cleaverage "... Woman replies " Bill that will not work "... Bill replies "well it did for your backside "

l

Joined
10 May 07
Moves
10128
18 May 14

WANTED
GOOD WOMAN

Must Be Able To Clean, Cook, Sew,
Dig Worms And Clean Fish
Must Have Boat And Motor

PLEASE SEND PICTURE OF BOAT AND MOTOR

Boston Lad

USA

Joined
14 Jul 07
Moves
43012
18 May 14

Originally posted by lolof
WANTED
GOOD WOMAN

Must Be Able To Clean, Cook, Sew,
Dig Worms And Clean Fish
Must Have Boat And Motor

PLEASE SEND PICTURE OF BOAT AND MOTOR
lol <--- Man Drowning...... lol <--- Man Drowning in the Atlantic Ocean at High Tide.

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
19 May 14

Woman tells her Doctor ..." Doctor ,I am a bit embarrassed about my bits down below ,my Husband says they have gone all flappy and lost their shape , The Doctor replies .." Well, it's quite a difficult operation are you sure you want to go ahead with it ? " ..."Yes, Yes " she replied .
2 days later she woke up in Hospital and noticed three red roses on her pillow .. " Excuse me " she said to the surgeon " what are these roses for ?"
The surgeon replied .." Well ,the first rose is from me because my wife had the same op and I knew what you had to go through " .."that's so nice " she replied... " and what is the second rose for ?".... "Ah , that's from my wife " he replied .." O, and what about the third rose ? the woman asks .
The surgeon replied .. " the third rose is from Bill upstairs on the Burns ward ,he says Thank you very much for his new ears ".

In your face

Joined
21 Aug 04
Moves
55993
19 May 14

Why do women wear makeup and perfume.

Because they're ugly and they smell.

Devout Agnostic.

DZ-015

Joined
12 Oct 05
Moves
42584
19 May 14

Woman - I'm responding to this ad you placed in the paper for a cleaner
Man - Yes, "Cleaner wanted. 10 hours a week, and sex once a month"
Woman - Yes, i get the cleaning, but why are you advertising for sex once a month?"
Man - Well, i work long hours and i don't get a chance to get a partner myself, this seems like a fair and amicable way of resolving this...I am paying £60 an hour.
Woman - Well, if you put it like that, i accept.
Man - It has been a while since i've cleaned the pipes out, can i get the sex now please?

(Sex ensues)

(5 mins later)

Woman - Well, you don't waste much time do you?
Man - I don't waste much money either, you're sacked.

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
22 May 14

Man went to the Doctor's ..Dr ,Dr I am having trouble with my motions ....
The Dr replied " what's the problem ? "
Man replied " well, every time I go to the toilet for a number 2 I look down and all I see is a pan full of bunt chips ( Fries to the Americans) ...
"Burnt chips ! said the Dr , take your pants down and let me have a look "
The man took down his pants , the Dr looked shook his head and ordered the man to pull his pants back up. After doing so the man asked the Dr "what's the problem and can you give me anything for it ? " the Dr replied .. " there's no problem just get your missus to cut 6 inches of your string vest ".............

Secret RHP coder

on the payroll

Joined
26 Nov 04
Moves
155080
22 May 14

Originally posted by huckleberryhound
It has been a while since i've cleaned the pipes out, can i get the sex now please?
^
*ladies everywhere swoon*

Über-Nerd

Joined
31 May 12
Moves
8469
22 May 14

Man goes into restaurant, sits down at table, notices no menu, asks waiter for menu. Waiter says: "There is no menu here. Order whatever you want." Customer thinks, then orders elephant ear souffle. Waiter makes note on pad, asks customer, "African or Indian elephant?" Customer: "African." Waiter: "left ear or right?" Customer: "Um, which do you recommend?" Waiter: "Left ear is fresher tonight." Customer: "Ok, left ear." 20 minutes later waiter serves customer. Customer is delighted with meal. After meal, customer asks: "Waiter, did you ever have a customer you could not serve?" Waiter: "Yes. In 1978 a woman ordered toasted bees breasts." Customer (astounded): "You mean you didn't have bees breasts in stock??" Waiter: "Oh yes, we had them, but that day the toaster was broken."

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
03 Jun 14
1 edit

All the math functions have a party and enjoy themselves, except e^x.

They say to e^x: Just integrate yourself. "I did that it was no difference."

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
28 Jul 14

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick

r
Suzzie says Badger

is Racist Bastard

Joined
09 Jun 14
Moves
10079
28 Jul 14

what's long and sticky

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
178609
28 Jul 14

Originally posted by redbadger
what's long and sticky
A chameleon's tongue