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Misfit Queen

Isle of Misfit Toys

Joined
08 Aug 03
Moves
36853
02 Mar 14

Here's one of my favorites.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and said, "What are your rates?"
"50 dollars for three questions."
"Isn't that rather steep?"
"Yes," said the lawyer. "And what was your third question?"

M

Joined
12 Dec 13
Moves
28350
03 Mar 14

A man goes into the doctor complaining of stress headaches. He can't sleep, can't work, it's terrible.

The doctor tells him, "When I have stress headaches I take a day off and spend the whole day in bed with my wife. Works every time."

The next time the man is in for a visit the doctor asks him, "Hey did you cure your headaches?"

The man says, "Absolutely, your advice worked great. And Doc, you have a real nice house."

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
178609
04 Mar 14

A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T.G.I.F"
He smiled at her and replied, "S.H.I.T"
She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered,
"S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.

R
Standard memberRemoved

Joined
26 Feb 14
Moves
1339
16 Mar 14
1 edit

apparently all the toilets in the new Scotland yard police HQ have been stolen a police spokesperson said they were mystified and so far had nothing to go on.

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
16 Mar 14

Oscar Pistourius was about to do some D.I.Y on his bathroom door ,he couldn't because his wife was dead against it . 😲

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
31 Mar 14

Says the barkeep we don't serve faster than light particles.
Comes a tachyon into a bar.

R
Standard memberRemoved

Joined
26 Feb 14
Moves
1339
31 Mar 14

Originally posted by Ponderable
Says the barkeep we don't serve faster than light particles.
Comes a tachyon into a bar.
Not far from my home is a Potash mine and over the years I have laid many floors in the offices but only found out a few months ago that deep beneath the north sea british researchers have a laboratory (BEEN DOWN THERE 20 YEARS) trying to capture tachyons and other particles that pass straight through the earth but so far nothing has been captured or registered.

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53271
02 Apr 14

Did you hear about the all you can eat buffet manager who had a heart attack? Seems he saw 40 members of the Samoan Sumo Wrestling league come in for lunch....

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
05 Apr 14

Two scientists came into a bar, the first asked for H2O, the second for H2O, too. The second died.

R
Standard memberRemoved

Joined
26 Feb 14
Moves
1339
05 Apr 14

Originally posted by Ponderable
Two scientists came into a bar, the first asked for H2O, the second for H2O, too. The second died.
What dose DNA stand for ? National Dyslexia Assosiation

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
658468
12 Apr 14

A rabbi, apriest and a pastor come into a bar.

Says the barkeep: Is this a joke or what?

s
Fast and Curious

slatington, pa, usa

Joined
28 Dec 04
Moves
53271
12 Apr 14

Originally posted by Ponderable
Two scientists came into a bar, the first asked for H2O, the second for H2O, too. The second died.
Two guys walk in to a bar. The third guy ducked.

Quiz Master

RHP Arms

Joined
09 Jun 07
Moves
48793
13 Apr 14

man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre



so the barmaid gives him one

JO

Joined
01 Apr 09
Moves
26584
14 Apr 14

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
"You stay here, I'll go on ahead."

Joined
31 Aug 06
Moves
40565
15 Apr 14

A bunch of YECs found a book on magic.
They chanted and asked for creation to be as described in genesis.
Brought a whole new meaning to the word sunburnt.