Jokes

My manager at work announced to his staff through the e-mail, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”

I sent a return e-mail saying, “And I’m offering 200!”

It turns out my manager does not seem to have much of a sense of humor.

My friend is a democrat and he says Trump has broken the Constitution multiple times and needs to be impeached. I replied, "Why did you not care about the Constitution being assaulted under Obama?" "In fact, you said you had never read the Constitution and don't even have a copy of it". To which he pulled out a roll of toilet paper with the entire Constitution written on it.

I stand corrected.

@whodey said
Speak'in of which:




What do Chinese people name their retarded children?

Som Ting Wong

Had me crying 😂

@whodey said
My friend is a democrat and he says Trump has broken the Constitution multiple times and needs to be impeached. I replied, "Why did you not care about the Constitution being assaulted under Obama?" "In fact, you said you had never read the Constitution and don't even have a copy of it". To which he pulled out a roll of toilet paper with the entire Constitution written on it.

I stand corrected.

WOW.... That has to be a first!!! 😲 😲

-VR

An Australian and a Kiwi walk into a bar...
The South African is still in Japan...

😛

@whodey
Whodey having a democrat friend.....

Christians and Atheists do have common ground .
What is that ?
Neither believes they are going to hell .

@caissad4 said
Christians and Atheists do have common ground .
What is that ?
Neither believes they are going to hell .

To be accurate:
In the case of Christians if they don't follow all the commandments they could go to hell. They would have to ask God to forgive them of all their sins.

I do understand it is suppose to be joke.

-VR

@Very-Rusty

Do you? Really?

@suzianne said
@Very-Rusty

Do you? Really?

Yes but it wasn't accurate even if suppose to be funny!

Did you laugh....Of course you did because you don't know any better!

-VR

Not really a joke, but a snarky comment from another forum:

"Your presence would be greatly improved by your absence."

@caesar-salad said
Not really a joke, but a snarky comment from another forum:

"Your presence would be greatly improved by your absence."

Likely written by an expert amateur. 🙂

@caesar-salad said
Not really a joke, but a snarky comment from another forum:

"Your presence would be greatly improved by your absence."

Have you ever thought about taking some of your stolen advice you give to others? 😛

-VR

@very-rusty said
Have you ever thought about taking some of your stolen advice you give to others? 😛

-VR

There was a lonely man from Nova Scotia who went ice fishing. After he'd erected his tent and began drilling a hole, he heard a booming voice exclaim from overhead, "there's no fish under the ice!". He looked up fearfully and thought he'd better quickly move to another location. So after setting up his kit 10 meters away he began drilling again.
And again, came the booming voice from on high, "there's no fish under the ice!".
The man looked up with a puzzled expression and loudly asked "is that you God?"
- The reply: "No it's the rink manager!"

Past, Present and Future walked into a bar.
- It was tense.