@great-big-stees said"A child under 18...", sounds awful. I think we fail as parents when we hit small children, is that the best we can do...?
Apparently, in Canada it is legal to spank a child under 18, providing it meets “certain legal parameters”. That surprises me. I will have to look further into this. Not that I am or was a “spanker”, though I have been a “spankee”.😲🤔
@torunn saidA lot of people seem to struggle to accept the evidence that physical chastisement doesn't correlate with better self discipline or less behavioural problems in kids. (In fact the presence of punishments in general shows little correlation with improving behaviour which has a lot more to do with increasing parental consistency and positive consequences for positive changes).
"A child under 18...", sounds awful. I think we fail as parents when we hit small children, is that the best we can do...?
So, given it doesn't benefit the kids it's pretty clear it's being done for the gratification of the person handing it out. Adults wanting a release for anger at best.
@relentless-red saidI think it's a betrayal by the parent, we are letting the child down. If a child can't feel safe in it's own home, who can be trusted?
A lot of people seem to struggle to accept the evidence that physical chastisement doesn't correlate with better self discipline or less behavioural problems in kids. (In fact the presence of punishments in general shows little correlation with improving behaviour which has a lot more to do with increasing parental consistency and positive consequences for positive cha ...[text shortened]... done for the gratification of the person handing it out. Adults wanting a release for anger at best.
@relentless-red saidi disagree with the "clarity" part
So, given it doesn't benefit the kids it's pretty clear it's being done for the gratification of the person handing it out. Adults wanting a release for anger at best.
i also disagree that it's done for gratification
disclaimer: growing up, i was whipped with a leather belt
dad didn't do that because he enjoyed it, i saw him cry about the punishment too
in hindsight, and with a lot of assumption on my part, he did it because that was the way HE was raised
he truly thought it was the best way to deal with misbehavior
circa 1969 or 70 (16 or 17 orbits of the star) i made a mental note to never ever hit my children if i had any
(i was only marginally aware of how biology worked at that point in my life, lol)
we've talked about this, he and i, and mom too (even tho i do not ever remember her being physical), many times over the years
@rookie54 saidYou and your father talking about it, is a good thing. I'm sure he feels a lot better admitting to you that he regrets it. I have let my children down in other ways and I have apologized.
i disagree with the "clarity" part
i also disagree that it's done for gratification
disclaimer: growing up, i was whipped with a leather belt
dad didn't do that because he enjoyed it, i saw him cry about the punishment too
in hindsight, and with a lot of assumption on my part, he did it because that was the way HE was raised
he truly thought it was the best way to deal ...[text shortened]... e and i, and mom too (even tho i do not ever remember her being physical), many times over the years
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@rookie54 saidYeah, gratification may not be the best word. Perhaps done as a result of the parents' needs covers it better; including feeling a need to do what they believe is right. The main point being there is no evidence it is helpful for the child and yet so many people are brought up to believe otherwise. Perhaps to the point of feeling it is a hated duty in some cases. The point being the adult feels a need to do it, the child doesn't need it done.
i disagree with the "clarity" part
i also disagree that it's done for gratification
disclaimer: growing up, i was whipped with a leather belt
dad didn't do that because he enjoyed it, i saw him cry about the punishment too
in hindsight, and with a lot of assumption on my part, he did it because that was the way HE was raised
he truly thought it was the best way to deal ...[text shortened]... e and i, and mom too (even tho i do not ever remember her being physical), many times over the years
Difficult memories coming up in this thread.
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@relentless-red saidThey are painful memories, and I admit my shortcomings as a parent to my daughters - not all, but some.
Yeah, gratification may not be the best word. Perhaps done as a result of the parents' needs covers it better; including feeling a need to do what they believe is right. The main point being there is no evidence it is helpful for the child and yet so many people are brought up to believe otherwise. Perhaps to the point of feeling it is a hated duty in some cases. The p ...[text shortened]... els a need to do it, the child doesn't need it done.
Difficult memories coming up in this thread.
@torunn saidParents seem to remember the things they got wrong far more than they credit themselves with the things they got right. The danger is that if we beat ourselves up over the things that went wrong we overlook the positive qualities they took from us as well.
They are painful memories, and I admit my shortcomings to my dauhters - not all, but some.
@great-big-stees saidRight forum spankee 😉
Apparently, in Canada it is legal to spank a child under 18, providing it meets “certain legal parameters”. That surprises me. I will have to look further into this. Not that I am or was a “spanker”, though I have been a “spankee”.😲🤔
@relentless-red saidSo true, and I was told that the situations where I felt I did wrong were not remembered like that by my daughters.
Parents seem to remember the things they got wrong far more than they credit themselves with the things they got right. The danger is that if we beat ourselves up over the things that went wrong we overlook the positive qualities they took from us as well.
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@relentless-red saidTalking to bad kids doesn't get results either.
A lot of people seem to struggle to accept the evidence that physical chastisement doesn't correlate with better self discipline or less behavioural problems in kids. (In fact the presence of punishments in general shows little correlation with improving behaviour which has a lot more to do with increasing parental consistency and positive consequences for positive cha ...[text shortened]... done for the gratification of the person handing it out. Adults wanting a release for anger at best.
The older generations that talk about disrespectful kids were the generations that received physical punishment and they grew up respectful.
So you take away punishment and then complain about modern kids being bad 🙄
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@c-i-v saidYour first sentence before your edit agrees with the evidence. Talking to bad kids in reaction to bad behaviour doesn't get results either, it's much more about what you do to bring out the good stuff than how you react to the bad stuff.
Talking to bad kids doesn't get results either.
@c-i-v saidPunishment doesn't have to be physical - it could be a consequence of an action or disobedience.
Talking to bad kids doesn't get results either.
The older generations that talk about disrespectful kids were the generations that received physical punishment and they grew up respectful.
So you take away punishment and then complain about modern kids being bad 🙄
@torunn saidAnd when they say they don't care and they curse you out...
Punishment doesn't have to be physical - it could be a consequence of an action or disobedience.
What do you do then?
If I was verbally punished I took it seriously.
Today's kids will laugh at you then cuss you out then leave or do whatever they want.
So? What do you do then?