29 Jul 19
@ponderable saidA fine written piece and a good stab on the history.
#8 The crayon
The wooden floorboards creaked and groaned as the boy Pierre walked the hall to the door of his new bedroom. This was his first visit to the family's new home in the village of Oradour-sur-Glane. His father had joked the house was haunted by a local phantom, and recited an old spell that would keep it at bay. Pierre had thought it just a silly superstiti ...[text shortened]... with a bang the door was closed.
He realized: I am not Pierre anymore. My name is Adolf Diekmann.
The idea of creating doors between realities by a magic drawing I met first in zelzny's Amber cycle. But here it is different and well executed.
And one can get goose bumbles when a Evil Person gets a new personofication.
29 Jul 19
@ponderable saidThis one gave me emotions of Anger, fear, sadness...all in turn.
#9 Transcendence
“Hi there. My name is Nathaniel, and… erm.. if you are watching this YouTube video then I’m dead, or transcended. And there is a great possibility that the former caused the latter. Hmmm, what might interest you? Well, for a start, this phantom image you are watching is unlikely to be the last you hear of me!”
“The press. Hmm, well now they hav ...[text shortened]... s. At some point someone will stop me, but, until then, I have been Nathaniel, and now I am more.”
The Story is well written, and had I given the Points more strategically it has certainly deserved better and would have gotten a Point.
The Story stays a bit incoherent in the end for me. The surprise with Nathaniel becoming cruel in an instant afetr displying so much empathy before was not really believable fro me. It has been claimed that the word Count had to do with that. I can understand and would read a loger Story wabout the making of the Video which could go over several stages...
29 Jul 19
@ponderable saidYou only have 3 more to go! 😉
This one gave me emotions of Anger, fear, sadness...all in turn.
The Story is well written, and had I given the Points more strategically it has certainly deserved better and would have gotten a Point.
The Story stays a bit incoherent in the end for me. The surprise with Nathaniel becoming cruel in an instant afetr displying so much empathy before was not really beli ...[text shortened]... nd and would read a loger Story wabout the making of the Video which could go over several stages...
-VR
29 Jul 19
@very-rusty saidHey, you subtracted 9 from 12.
You only have 3 more to go! 😉
-VR
Good going buddy.
@ghost-of-a-duke saidI didn't even use the fingers on my other hand! 😛
Hey, you subtracted 9 from 12.
Good going buddy.
-VR
30 Jul 19
@ponderable saidmy own.
#10 You remember?
It was dark. Not just dark, but pitch dark, nothing to see, total blackness. It was silent, absolute. It felt like floating. Nothing touched the body.
What had happened? Memory came back: the street, the velocity the feeling of freedom on the bike, the sunset in the west, seen in the mirror. The twilight ahead. Then the shadow. Like a phantom coming out ...[text shortened]... ng to taste nothing to smell.
No more memories. Just being aware of being there and nothing more….
One idea was to have an asexual character which proved to be astonishingly difficult. Maybe I lost a few People there.
The other Point was to describe what is going on in a dying Person (as correctly diagnosed by some poster earlier here).
I fear I didn't get the Supernatural/Horror element. Maybe it was not emotional enough (I cut all the sensory Input as some might have realized).
30 Jul 19
@ponderable saidSo here Comes my Feedback for my Winning choice:
#11 YOUNG MAN WITH ROSES
Harold Chambers remembered to breathe, then opened the door.
Margo Wintour herself of Wintour Galleries stood outside. "Do you need to smudge me with sage or sprinkle some salt before I enter?"
Harold bowed slightly and waved her in with a grin. "Unfortunately I have no such superstitions. But thank you for asking!"
Margo complimented ...[text shortened]... ht reported that two local men had been found guilty of the abduction and murder of Roland Sheridan.
Great: we have Horror, social commentary and a good crime Story all baked in one.
Very good selection of short Scenes in all respects. And even though a very complex tale is told About a ghost using an Artist to lead the Police to his own murderers, while having a tale of the relationship between an Artist a a Galerist.
wonderful.
I have Nothing in that contribution I would want to be done differently.
But if I had a wish I think there is a great novelette or novel hidden here.
And I realized that I added the 13 from the Picture to my vote and being a bit scatterbrained I added the 13 to the Vincent vote as well….
30 Jul 19
@ponderable saidThis is also a big WOW! for me.
#12 Vincent
Superstition had cost him an arm and very nearly a leg. A perfect storm of misfortune put in motion by the impulsive purchase of an old gothic mirror, too large to carry but carried anyway to save a few bucks on delivery. As is always the case in these matters, the weight of the mirror, manageable for the first dozen strides ...[text shortened]... e powerless to mitigate the pain in his missing arm as an old dog’s teeth devoured flesh and marrow.
Ghost managed to use a real lot of suprestitious Elements in this piece. a very good choice of adjectives created a very dense atmosphere.
In fact I think the Story would have gained if the Amputation would no have been mentioned at the accident's site. It would have a been a bit more surprising.
Full marks for Horror I want to add, the Feeling when the dog happily devours the arm, while the Feeling is fully intact s really horrendous.
30 Jul 19
@ponderable saidSorry my bad
Also very intensly written, and evoking a dense atmosphere.
However I think I didn't really understand the Story. There are Connections missing, at least for me. So the ghost Rottweiler did he Surface before or after Kurt and his wife lived there. A premonition ghost would require a bit more work for me to understand.
So if the Young couple with whom the Story starts a ...[text shortened]... Rooms after all? Did they heed the warning and still were killed?
Sorry for being a bit dumb here.
The dog wasn’t a ghost it was the young couple who were the ghosts constantly reliving their last trip home before being murdered by home invaders.
The dog was purchased by the new owners of the house as well as security tech on hearing the fate of the original owners.
It was really about the dog being able to perceive ghosts plus how figures in this realm might appear ghost like to what we call ghosts. He was particularly animated about the small rooms because that’s where the children slept whilst being least animated about the spare room.
Lol you know you did a bad job when the explanation is half the word count of the story 😊
But thanks for the opportunity Ponderable
30 Jul 19
@kevcvs57 saidI just re-read your story with fresh eyes.
Sorry my bad
The dog wasn’t a ghost it was the young couple who were the ghosts constantly reliving their last trip home before being murdered by home invaders.
The dog was purchased by the new owners of the house as well as security tech on hearing the fate of the original owners.
It was really about the dog being able to perceive ghosts plus how figures in this realm mi ...[text shortened]... hen the explanation is half the word count of the story 😊
But thanks for the opportunity Ponderable
😆
30 Jul 19
@ponderable saidYes, you make a very good point regarding the severed arm. I think I was over keen on using the gothic mirror the way I did.
This is also a big WOW! for me.
Ghost managed to use a real lot of suprestitious Elements in this piece. a very good choice of adjectives created a very dense atmosphere.
In fact I think the Story would have gained if the Amputation would no have been mentioned at the accident's site. It would have a been a bit more surprising.
Full marks for Horror I want to add, ...[text shortened]... Feeling when the dog happily devours the arm, while the Feeling is fully intact s really horrendous.
30 Jul 19
@torunn saidYes, I think we all find connections with particular stories (that speak to us personally) but this is not a reflection on the quality of the other entries.
I voted for the entries that found their way into my heart. It was not a question of good or less good, they were all good.
30 Jul 19
@ghost-of-a-duke saidI wish I could write a story with fresh eyes and come up with something original and non derivative 🤔
I just re-read your story with fresh eyes.
😆