Jokes

Jokes

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p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
10 Dec 15

Originally posted by sonhouse
A Rabbi, a priest and an Imam walks into a bar.

The atheist ducked.
Jesus walked into a hotel , threw some nails on the counter and said " can you put me up for the night ".

w

Joined
02 Jan 06
Moves
12857
11 Dec 15

How does Jesus make tea?

Hebrews it.

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
11 Dec 15

Originally posted by whodey
How does Jesus make tea?

Hebrews it.
Little Jewish boy sat crying on the steps of a synagogue , "what's wrong son " asked a passing man .... " I've just lost my pullover " replied the little boy .

Über-Nerd

Joined
31 May 12
Moves
8398
11 Dec 15

Originally posted by pawnpaw
I had quite a few atheists and Christians in the office laugh together at this joke.
Very good!
Yeah, that's a tough act to follow, but I'll try:


The Difference Between Rats and Humans

If you put a rat in front of a maze with 3 entrances, and cheese at the end of only one of the entrances, the following will occur: the rat will try each entrance randomly until it discovers that the cheese is always down one particular entrance (let’s say the middle one). After a while, it will go straight for the middle entrance and ignore the other two.

If you put a human before a maze with 3 entrances, and cheese at the end of only one of the entrances, the following will occur: the human will try each entrance randomly until it discovers that the cheese is always down one particular entrance (let’s say the middle one). It will then go straight for the middle entrance and ignore the other two. So far, not a big difference.

If you then remove the cheese from the maze, the rat will try the middle path for a while until it discovers there is no cheese there; then it will try the other two paths until it discovers there is no cheese there either. Then it will give up and look somewhere else.

In the case of the human, if you remove the cheese from the maze, it will continue to go down the same path forever and declare: “The Big Cheese Is Coming!”

Mar-a-Lago

Joined
02 Aug 11
Moves
8962
11 Dec 15

Originally posted by moonbus
Yeah, that's a tough act to follow, but I'll try:


The Difference Between Rats and Humans

If you put a rat in front of a maze with 3 entrances, and cheese at the end of only one of the entrances, the following will occur: the rat will try each entrance randomly until it discovers that the cheese is always down one particular entrance (let’s say ...[text shortened]... t will continue to go down the same path forever and declare: “The Big Cheese Is Coming!”
Suzi wont like that one I'm sorry to say

Über-Nerd

Joined
31 May 12
Moves
8398
12 Dec 15

Originally posted by Captain Strange
Suzi wont like that one I'm sorry to say
Come on, give the gal a chance. She might surprise us.

p
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Lethabong

Joined
02 Apr 10
Moves
97535
12 Dec 15

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other...
Ailene...
What do you call a girl with both legs same length...
Nolene...
Got it? 😉

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
12 Dec 15

Cowboy bought a paper suit and got arrested for rustling

ook

hirsute rooster

Joined
13 Apr 05
Moves
20534
13 Dec 15

To be or not to be - Shakespeare
To be is to do - Sartre
Scoo be doo be doo - Sinatra

p
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Lethabong

Joined
02 Apr 10
Moves
97535
13 Dec 15

Grandson: "Granpa is getting very deaf lately, granma gotta scream all the time."
Granddaughter: "Yea, can be very irritating."
Grandson: "That's why he constantly presses his hands over his ears..."

p

Joined
27 Dec 05
Moves
143878
13 Dec 15

My mates wife was hovering up the stairs when her dog ran past here ,she tripped and the hoover went right up her backside . Her husband rushed her to hospital ,when he returned to see how she was the doctor said " she is badly bruised but she is picking up fine "

Quiz Master

RHP Arms

Joined
09 Jun 07
Moves
48793
17 Dec 15

What do you call a wife who cant make sandwiches?


DIVORCED

Already mated

Omaha, Nebraska, USA

Joined
04 Jul 06
Moves
1115986
17 Dec 15

what do you call an 8 year old grandmaster?

Don't even pretend that you don't know what you'd call her.

p
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Lethabong

Joined
02 Apr 10
Moves
97535
17 Dec 15

Two youngish blokes sit in the bar and talk.
First: " I really am having a hard time at home with my girlfriend. She just wants sex all the time. In the shower, in the kitchen, on the patio, in the car, in the lift in the mall, endlessly.
I'm really at my wits' end."
Friend Is it so difficult to handle that?
First:" I promise you, I'm thinking of leaving her, but she's really a wonderful person."
Old chap overhearing all of this: " There's one sure way of putting an end to this.
Marry her!"

Quiz Master

RHP Arms

Joined
09 Jun 07
Moves
48793
17 Dec 15

What do you call a husband who cant make sandwiches?


DIVORCED