Jokes

Originally posted by whodey
FYI, people who come to this forum on this thread come to laugh.

Now repeat after me H - A - H - A.

Again.

H - A - H - A

Repeat this until you begin to do what is referred to as "smiling"

No worries, I will not charge you for this session.

I come here to laugh, Its' not like the spirituality forums or political forums were I......um......yea, I go there to laugh as well.

Never mind

Forget everything.

"Doctor, please help. My husband thinks he's a rooster!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since he was a chick!"

Originally posted by whodey
FYI, people who come to this forum on this thread come to laugh.

Now repeat after me H - A - H - A.

Again.

H - A - H - A

Repeat this until you begin to do what is referred to as "smiling"

No worries, I will not charge you for this session.

I come here to laugh, Its' not like the spirituality forums or political forums were I......um......yea, I go there to laugh as well.

Never mind

Forget everything.

Originally posted by moonbus
"Doctor, please help. My husband thinks he's a rooster!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since he was a chick!"

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

I went to my local pet shop and asked the sales man for a wasp .
The salesman replied " sorry sir ,we don't sell wasps "
I said .." well ,you have one in the window "

Originally posted by moonbus
"Doctor, please help. My husband thinks he's a rooster!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since he was a chick!"

Originally posted by Captain Strange
Doctor please help. My wife thinks she's a chicken.

Bring her in and I will cure her.

I cant we need the eggs.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Originally posted by Ponderable
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you ...[text shortened]... ily yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

An elderly man feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The doctor said he could see her in two weeks, but meanwhile, suggested a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.

"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens when I talk to her."

"Honey, what's for dinner?" He calls.
No response.

So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.


So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. He starts shouting.
"HONEY, what's for dinner?"
No response.

On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away.
"HONEY, what's for DINNER??".
No response.

So he walks right up behind her and screams:
"HONEY, WHAT'S FOR DINNER??!?!"

His wife turns to him a rage and screams.

"CHICKEN, CHICKEN! For the FIFTH TIME, WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN!!!"

Five out of six people are of the opinion that Russian Roulette is safe.

Originally posted by LEUR
Five out of six people are of the opinion that Russian Roulette is safe.

Originally posted by Ponderable
One of my favourites which of course works best when written:

There are ten people, thos who understand binary and those who don't.

Originally posted by wolfgang59
Why ten people?