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the most popular guy at the nudist colony can fetch a dozen doughnuts and two cups of coffee

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@moonbus said
I'm researching nudist colonies; bare with me.
Someone drilled a hole in the nudist colony fence. Police are looking into it.

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Aladdin got a lifetime ban from magic carpet racing!

He was caught using performance-enhancing rugs.

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@bigdogg said
Aladdin got a lifetime ban from magic carpet racing!

Hidden content removed
My friend told me to stop making rug puns, but I just couldn’t weave it alone.

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Which animal has 10 legs and 9 arms?

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What do you call a cat that’s been listening to too much Rock'n Roll?

Def Leppard

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My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"

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A king and a queen walks into a bar.
The bartender takes one look at them, and say:
"Sorry, I cannot serve you, you're not 21..."

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i read a scientific study that reports that smoking weed befuddles memory
if that's true,
what does smoking weed do?

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Dorothy was helping her husband clean his
rifle and accidently shot him. She calls 911.

911 Operator: "911. How may I help you?"

Dorothy: "It's my husband! I've accidently
shot him! I've killed him! Help me, please!"

911 Operator: "Please calm down ma'am.
Let's just take this one thing at a time.
Can you make sure he's actually dead?"

[Click]. . . . BANG !!

Dorothy: "OK, I've done that. What now?"

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Why can't you trust a bard with your finances?


Because they always add more when they're recounting.

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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

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@phil3000 said
What do you call a Spaniard that has had his car stolen ?...Carlos
Spanish archer .....El bow
What do you call a Spaniard with a rubber toe?

...Roberto!

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@Ponderable

Pondy was a chemist,
He isn’t any more.
What thought was h2o
Was h2so4 !

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@moonbus
so the cop asked the dude his name, he says Al.
Ok what's your last name? Buteral.

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