26 Jan '09 22:28>
Originally posted by PinkFloydWhen you recognize a person as particularly brittle, broken, emotionally scarred, etc., you say that you "try to be careful around such people." But then any sensitivity you might have shown goes out the window because what...you just HAVE to point out a perceived flaw in the other person (not really knowing anything about him or her)? My advice would be to follow that first way of thinking you described; as for the part that wants to criticize, it would be a nice thing to not follow that urge. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Floyd-------------------------------------------------
First paragraph (after opening question)- I would appolodize if it was pointed out that I had insulted someone and didn't realize it. And I wouldn't need a moderator to direct me to co this--it's common courtesy.
Second paragraph-- I decided what is offensive to me. Always. A am the sole arbiter of this. We all do--it's part of our personal ...[text shortened]... unwilling to give without resorting to force, which is another thing I will never do.
Someone who is very brittle and oversensitive and easily hurt needs to be treated with care . But to patronise them and never reflect back to them how oversenistive they are would be a mistake. To become happy such a person needs to stop blaming others for their hurt and pain and move on. If everyone they know walks on eggshells around them then they will never realise the truth about themselves. They cannot escape the prison around them because no-one will dare tell them the truth (for fear of treading on a landmine).
I am careful around such people because of the landmines they put around themselves. I don't want to get blown up by one. But at a safe distance I can point out to them that it's not really the way to relate to other people and that they need to take more responsibility for what they feel. I don't have a problem with someone who gets offended easily but then turns round and says " actually it's not you it's about me" .
The difficult one is when such a person persists in trying to make you feel guilty as if they have been "wronged" by an innocent comment Such a person needs to be challenged for their own good.