Your favorite Chess Joke

Originally posted by tamuzi
An 8 hour game being fast.

No.

Originally posted by Scriabin
I got a few:

First:

A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Mor ...[text shortened]... , "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."

I don't get it.

Originally posted by znsho
I don't get it.

The friend is going to die before Saturday. He's just learned that he has less than a week to live.

Originally posted by Pigface1
And when the salt got to the end of the table, Gary rushed round and replaced it with a bottle of sauce!

once the salt was recieved, ibm promised to pass the pepper by 2012.

How many Chess Computer users does it take to change a light bulb?

Answers:

1) None. they prefer to stay in the dark.

2) None. Fritz says the lightbulb is OK.

Originally posted by Badwater
Capablanca was waiting in a train station in New York one day, with his coffee, danish, newspaper and chess set, when a man approached him. Gesturing at the chess set, he asked if Capablanca cared for a game. Always delighted to play, Capablanca immediately set up the board, then removed his queen from the board, to even up the game. Annoyed, the man blurte ...[text shortened]... ht beat you!" Unruffled, Capablanca replied, "Sir, if you could beat me, I would know you."

Actually, there's a story of a fan challenging Alekhine to a game of chess, and Alekhine agreed and gave the fan rook odds...the fan asked why he would give him rook odds, he doesnt even know him, to which Alkhine replies, "It's because I don't know you that I'm giving you rook odds."

Wife: Chess! Chess! Chess! that is all you talk about.
When was the last time you took me out?

Husband: er......Two Knights ago.

Originally posted by SwissGambit
Favorite chess joke? The new, fast-paced FIDE knockout "world championships". Or maybe the Orangutan opening.

This is my favorite joke too. WC matches should be decided in match play at long time controls. This is a much better joke than the one about the dog who could play chess so I'll skip that one. 😀

two chess players are having a game of chess, they are playing on a magical chess board. They say what piece they want to move and which square.

Suddenly the board stops working. The bishop says to the queen, "why can't we move?"

The queen replys: "The king is watching pawn!"

Originally posted by XXXchessguyXXX
two chess players are having a game of chess, they are playing on a magical chess board. They say what piece they want to move and which square.

Suddenly the board stops working. The bishop says to the queen, "why can't we move?"

The queen replys: "The king is watching pawn!"

I don't want to ruin the joke, but is this about "pawn" being similarly pronounced like "porn" ?

Originally posted by diskamyl
I don't want to ruin the joke, but is this about "pawn" being similarly pronounced like "porn" ?

I don't think you need to worry unduly about ruining that joke.

I think the joke must be a play on pawn/porn. There's an online website somewhere which uses a similar device, I wish I could remember its name...

Originally posted by diskamyl
I don't want to ruin the joke, but is this about "pawn" being similarly pronounced like "porn" ?

yes thats the point

Originally posted by Fat Lady
I don't think you need to worry unduly about ruining that joke.

I think the joke must be a play on pawn/porn. There's an online website somewhere which uses a similar device, I wish I could remember its name...

LOL

it's old but needs to be included here:

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."