From Morton Feldman:
This is a true story, I was a student, just finishing up with Stefan Wolpe. Stefan was a Proletariat twelve-tone composer, there was a hell of a lot of them, and at one time. And I think that he was the best. He would talk about his music as gutter music, he would talk about, the one time he talked about the man in the street, and he was bawling me out, here I was twenty-two, twenty-three years old, and he was telling me the music is too esoteric, just too esoteric. And he's talking about the man in the street, and I was just meeting the artists in Greenwich Village. I was looking out, my eyes were better that time, it was Fourteenth Street and Sixth Avenue, and there was Jackson Pollock walking across the street. And that's my only defence about the man in the street.

After John Coltrane joined the Miles Davis group, his solos became increasingly long. This began to annoy Miles, so he asked him about it. Coltrane explained that, once he got started, his mind would be flooded with so many ideas that he didn't know how to stop. Miles, the older and more experienced musician, gave him the following advice: "Take the horn outcha mouth."

Playing in an opera orchestra, I once saw a conductor enter the orchestra pit before a performances to great applause from the audience. As he mounted the podium, he turned to acknowedge the applause, bow to the audience, and smash his head against the railing behind him as he did, knocking himself out. It was hilarious, if it hadn't been so tragic. He was carted out of the pit and revived, but returned to conduct with an ugly bump on his forehead.

Originally posted by AttilaTheHorn
Playing in an opera orchestra, I once saw a conductor enter the orchestra pit before a performances to great applause from the audience. As he mounted the podium, he turned to acknowedge the applause, bow to the audience, and smash his head against the railing behind him as he did, knocking himself out. It was hilarious, if it hadn't been so tragic. He ...[text shortened]... s carted out of the pit and revived, but returned to conduct with an ugly bump on his forehead.

Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
Poor guy. When he returned, did he omit the bow?

Originally posted by AttilaTheHorn
I don't recall, but I also once saw a conductor who, in his wild gyrations that made little sense to us in the orchestra, jam the baton right through his hand. Fortuneately, it was at the fleshy area between the thumb and forefinger, so he wasn't serious hurt. Of course he required a tetanus shot and a stitch or two.

On a slightly less cultured note,Steve Jones, the guitarist with the infamous punk band the Sex Pistols, was once asked during an interview what he thought the difference was between his band and the Beatles.Upon thinking at length,his reply was,soap and water.

stravinsky was supposed to have said that "harpists spend 90% of the time tuning their instruments and the other 10% of their time playing out of tune."

Originally posted by coquette
stravinsky was supposed to have said that "harpists spend 90% of the time tuning their instruments and the other 10% of their time playing out of tune."

Further to my unresolved issues concerning conductors:

There was once this young couple who wanted to get a pet and they decided they wanted a parrot. Because they loved music, they especially wanted one who could sing. So they went to the pet store and told the owner what they were looking for. The owner brought out two parrots to show them.

The first one was very colourful and quite attractive, and the owner told them that he could sing perfectly any of Schubert’s songs on command. The price was $2000. The second parrot was even more attractive with brilliant colourful feathers. The owner told them that besides doing everything the first parrot could do, he could also sing any aria from any Italian opera on command with astounding musicianship. The price was $4000.

As impressive as these parrots were, they wanted to see at least one more before making a decision. They asked if there were any others available. The owner said that he had one more parrot but the price was very high, $8000. He brought it out from the back room. It was stunningly beautiful, with magnificent, iridescent plumage, shining in a rainbow of colours. It stood tall on its perch and strutted around with a pompous, regal bearing, aloof and incredibly proud of itself. “Wow!” the couple said, “What can he do?”

“Well,” said the owner, “He’s been here for a long time and as far as I can tell, he doesn’t do any damn thing at all. He just struts around with an incredible self-importance, eats nothing but the most expensive bird seed, and all the other parrots call him, ‘Maestro!’ ”

Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
I never would have guessed that conducting an orchestra could be so dangerous 🙂

Originally posted by Nordlys
Jean-Baptiste Lully allegedly died of blood poisoning that was caused by an injury he sustained by ramming his conductor's staff into his foot.

Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
Now I'm really worried for those guys. They must have to pay outrageously high insurance premiums if they can get it at all.

Originally posted by AttilaTheHorn
Isaac Stern (1920-2001), the great violinist, once said,

"There are only six conductors in the world. All the rest are bums."

Unfortuneately, he would not identify who those six were, but I can assure you that there are very, very few good ones.
I seem to recall from my chemistry class in high school that 'copper' is a good conductor! 🙂

Most common lie of guitar players:
"I DID turn it down!"