I believe that the Earth, the Cosmos, and indeed, the entire Universe are ruled by Invisible Pink Unicorns. Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great spiritual power. We know this because they are capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them.

A few nonbelievers mock me because they say I cannot prove the existence of the Invisible Pink Unicorns, but I have truly experienced the Invisible Pink Unicorns, and I know that they are real. The Invisible Pink Unicorns will only reveal themselves to those who have faith in them.

My faith in the Invisible Pink Unicorns gives me hope. It gives me hope because I know that when I die, whereas I will go to heaven, 90% of the rest of humanity will go to hell. I am particularly hostile toward those infidels who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and my faith in the Invisible Pink Unicorns tells me that they all deserve to die and writhe in a lake of burning brimstone for all eternity.

The Invisible Pink Unicorn is my shepherd; I shall not want.

She maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
she leadeth me beside the still waters.

She restoreth my soul: she leadeth me in the
paths of righteousness for her name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death; I will fear no evil: for she is
with me; her hooves and her horn they
comfort me.